Life is a series of constant transitions. There are some transitions most of us handle without thinking much about it. From sleeping to waking, from sitting to standing, from work life to home life. Then, there are those transitions that require intentional thought and can be difficult. Getting a new job, starting a business, the end of a relationship, or even just planning for a trip.
Most transitions don’t follow a linear path. Meaning, there is a period between the old and the new where there is vacillating between the two. We don’t stop to think about these periods in the small transitions because they don’t cause us any discomfort. Although the older I get the more the sitting to standing transition takes a moment 😊. Those periods are easy to recognize in the big transitions. When we send our kids off to school for the first time we know it is the right thing to do, but it is very hard to let go and admit to ourselves they are growing up. When we leave our job to start our own business there is a lot of excitement about being our own boss and a lot of fear…about being our own boss.
Our brains are not wired to handle uncertainty well. The uncertainty that is part of every big transition is what makes them hard.
I had the good fortune to serve on a non-profit board with a woman (Marilyn) who spent decades as an educator and in high level leadership roles. Over the years of serving together, I got to know her and we had several conversations about leadership. I also learned from her by observing how she handled herself in meetings. She was wise, eloquent, a great listener and always worked to move us forward in a very graceful way.
I remember a specific conversation with her when we were working on a new project and struggling to gain momentum. She said when you start something new, or go through a transition, there is always a difficult period. She called it the “mucking around” phase. She said it feels like you are making no progress and getting nowhere, stuck in the muck. This is the point where a lot of people decide to quit because, who likes this feeling? She advised us to sit in the muck for a while. It will feel uncomfortable and may feel like you are not making progress. However, if you sit with it for a while you will find that things will start to happen, ideas will start churning, the path will reveal itself and you will climb out of the muck. Needless to say, she was right.
Over the years, I have found this advice to be hugely beneficial to me. I am a person who likes to see constant, visible progress. Sitting in the muck was not appealing to me. However, I have since found that Marilyn was right. The “mucking around” phase is progress. It allows our brains a little time to reflect and gather our thoughts, which is often what we need to do to make progress.
One Small Step
What transition are you going through right now where you feel stuck? I will bet there is at least one. If so, just try sitting with it, or taking a break from working on it for a while, and see what happens. My hunch is that if you give yourself a little time and space you will soon find yourself climbing out of the muck.
As always, if you have any feedback or questions, I would love to hear them.
Thanks for reading!